The Acklay Sleeps Tonight
by Theodore Hawkwood
Summary: A little one-shot parody involving my favorite Star Wars creature, Jar Jar Binks torture, and plenty of gratuitous violence. Expect nothing serious in these 700 or so words...


The Acklay Sleeps Tonight

Disclaimer/Summary: Just a random one-shot that entered my head, involving a Token's song parody and my favorite Star Wars creature. When Anakin and Padme meet at a little hole in the wall club on Coruscant they see the Galaxy's latest pop-song as a music video. Coincidentally it involves our friend Jar Jar Binks being chased around by an acklay. This is just a little one-shot that really wouldn't leave my mind. FYI no actual humans, acklays, Geonosians, or Gungans were harmed writing this fic.

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"Padme, where exactly are we going?" Anakin asked, it had been several months since their secret wedding and missions out on the Outer Rim, sheer chance had brought him back to Coruscant and thankfully another chance to steal some time with Padme.

"It's a surprise, Ani." Padme replied, smiling.

Anakin and Padme entered the small restaurant/club where a live band was playing. They sat at their table as the singers took the stage.

Behind them a large holoscreen flashed to life, showing an animated Jar Jar Binks sneaking through the jungle.

"We-de-de-de, de-de-de-de-de de, we-um-um-a-way. We-de-de-de, de-de-de-de-de de, we-um-um-a-way." they sang.

"Wait a second, I recognize this song..." Anakin said, "Two soldiers on the troopship we were on were talking about it."

Meanwhile, behind Jar Jar Binks a large acklay stirred slowly in its stupor like sleep. It moved in the shadows, lazily and Jar Jar had the strangest feeling something was about to happen...

"A wimoweh a-wimoweh a-wimoweh, a wimoweh. A wimoweh a-wimoweh a-wimoweh, a wimoweh.A wimoweh a-wimoweh a-wimoweh, a wimoweh."

"In the jungle, the mighty jungle the acklay sleeps tonight." The song began.

On the video Jar Jar just woke up to the very large, nasty, six legged mantid behind him and took of running and screaming.

"In the jungle, the quiet jungle, the acklay sleeps tonight."

Jar Jar thought he'd lost the acklay and breathed a deep sigh of relief. He felt a breeze behind him, one that sent his ears flopping when he turned to see the acklay directly behind him.

"HELP! MESA NEED HELP!!!!!" Jar Jar shouted.

"We-de-de-de, de-de-de-de-de de, we-um-um-a-way. We-de-de-de, de-de-de-de-de de, we-um-um-a-way. We-de-de-de, de-de-de-de-de de, we-um-um-a-way. We-de-de-de, de-de-de-de-de de, we-um-um-a-way."

The acklay stabbed the ground less than an inch away from Jar Jar, who dodged another claw attack and narrowly avoided a bite to the hindquarters by the acklay's tooth filled mouth.

"A wimoweh a-wimoweh a-wimoweh, a wimoweh. A wimoweh a-wimoweh a-wimoweh, a wimoweh.A wimoweh a-wimoweh a-wimoweh, a wimoweh."

"HELP!!!!" Jar Jar screamed as he ran away from the acklay which clawed and bit at the air.

The scene shifted to a Geonosian hive where the acklay was busily devouring the occupants. A Geonosian tried to fly away only to be impaled from behind like a grotesque shiskabob and eaten as such by the acklay which let out a loud belch.

"Near the hive. The Geonosian hive, the acklay sleeps tonight..."

Jar Jar Binks was next seen creeping through the shattered Geonosian hive, which was strewn with various Geonosian body parts and splatters of Geonosian blood and guts onto the walls, ceiling and floors.

Lazily lounging on its back, fat and happy from having eaten so many Geonosians, was the Acklay, picking its teeth with the leg of a dead Geonosian.

"Oh no..." the holographic Jar Jar groaned as the acklay got shakily to its feet and started to chase him around.

"Near the hive. The quiet hive, the acklay sleeps tonight."

Jar Jar ran again only to be caught by the acklay and be tossed up and down in the air repeatedly like a rag doll before Mama Acklay showed up, a larger acklay with an apron and a wig that made a call. The screen subtitles read: 'Don't play with your food...'.

"I see Jar Jar isn't especially popular at this club." Anakin began.

"I thought it was somewhat sickening at first, but its funny in a grotesque, morbid sort of way..." Padme began.

"I wonder what else the singers of the galaxy will come up with next time?" Anakin began.

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END. Unless anyone has any other pop-songs they want turned into Star Wars humor bits.


End file.
